I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
