What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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