He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
