i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
