never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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