Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm like, not good at living.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
