I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
