I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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