What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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