I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
