When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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