My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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