I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
