ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
