He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
