At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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