"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
