Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
