enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Drake has all the answers
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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