Just fell off a train. Bad.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
