look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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