I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
