i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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