I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
