He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
