Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
