mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
