Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
