he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
