i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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