I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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