i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
