I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
