I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
