I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
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I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize