and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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