If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
