Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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