I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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