ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
