i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm always down for nudity.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
