Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
