Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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