i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
