this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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