I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
