yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
