Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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