Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
