ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
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How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
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I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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