i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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