Non-Jews are for practice
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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