I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize