It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
