He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
