Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
a search helicopter?!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
