Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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