Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
