allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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