The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize
