Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
