Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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