i was rollin on her like bob the builder
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
