Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
