oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What a dumb baby whore.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
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You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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