We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
this boner is exhausting
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
