i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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