You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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