can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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