Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
dude. I can hear the air.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
