He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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