Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
