i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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