I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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