Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
