If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
