The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
