I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
