If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I smell like Dick and happiness
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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