just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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