Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
